Navigating Through Emotional Upheaval: From Prejudice to Peacefulness
A 2004 University of North Carolina study of “relatively happy, nondistressed couples” demonstrated that couples who practiced mindfulness saw notable improvements for their level of “relationship happiness”. Furthermore, they experienced improved and healthier amounts of “relationship stress, stress coping efficacy, and overall stress”. This is because mindfulness is often a conscious practice that fosters compassion for one’s self as well as others.
We’re human; conflicts are an unavoidable part of life’s journey. In a health challenges where two individual characters must compromise and collaborate together in constant proximity, it’s natural that we won’t always see eye to eye with one another. Imagine this instance, when your stress or negative emotions are triggered by something your lover says and does (by your ensuing reaction).
Anger is an immediate response and bitterness may be the path; These emotions call forth reactions as opposed to principled responses. A lot of regrettable thoughts and actions occur in such moments. I once did a talk within a bookstore and noted how the phrase “Sticks and stones may break bone but words will not hurt us” was inaccurate-thoughtless and cruel words may cause lasting damage, leaving emotional scars that fester even after broken bones happen to be healed. There were a songwriter inside the audience named Sarah Malcom; she subsequently wrote an audio lesson entitled: “Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Can Break My Soul.”
Instead of holding on to this negativity, you’ll be able to consciously decide to behave differently. Let’s consider it together. Picture yourself because heated moment when you find yourself flooded with anger, resentment, and judgement. What if you had been able to feel and acknowledge those emotions without reacting destructively toward yourself maybe partner?
Remember that you don’t need to be physically or perhaps verbally abusive to get violent. Even thoughts could be destructive, especially because they are inadvertently reflected in our attitudes and behaviors. For example, you are going to become withdrawn and demanding in an argument when you’re thinking toxic thoughts. One other person’s negativity feeds off yours, and the other way round, and in no time you’ve probably both said or done regrettable things.
Practice observing your brewing emotions and thoughts without getting distracted by them. And instead, why don’t you strike in the event the iron is cold? Let yourself cool-down and funky off, and share your emotions and thoughts when you find yourself ready and are effective at clarity and compassion.
You won’t regret it.
“Prejudice of any kind implies that you happen to be identified with the thinking mind.
It indicates you don’t begin to see the other person anymore, however only your own concept of that person. To cut back the aliveness of one other person to a concept is a kind of violence.” -Ekhart Tolle
PRACTICE
Imagine that you are well on a sailboat inside the ocean, and navigating these waves may be the length of life. Regardless how well you adjust the sails or gun the engine, you’ll inevitably be blown off target sometimes. Probably the most capable fishermen and sailors realize that sometimes a very important thing you’ll be able to do-or the only thing you’ll be able to do-is to simply ride your storm. Permit the feelings blow due to you after which pass. Ride out of the mental storm. It’s simply a cascade of chemicals, you realize, based on fear. These are simply waves that wash over you.
Haven’t you noticed that it’s quicker to stay afloat when you relax your system as opposed to when you tense up and panic in water?
Embrace the storms, then, on your own journey. Don’t resist them, but don’t allow yourself to drown of their drama either. Keep yourself grounded with your mantras:
Storms always pass. You don’t have to panic or fear.
Ride your storm. Feelings blow through me… feelings blow out of me…
Later Let me analyze the storm. Now I would like only observe it. Now Let me hang on and survive.
Later, you will have the clarity of mind by sitting far better analyze the storm, also to know what caused it. You can also get the lessons you learned by observing the storm: what feelings and resistance do you notice?
What helped you survive? How will you choose this transition easier in the future?
Utilize the storm being an possibility to gain new skills to temper your emotional upheavals. Above all, do not forget that storms are a part of life, however you possess the capability to navigate your way through them. You’ll always resume calm clear skies.
“Obstacles tend not to block the trail; these are the path.” -Anonymous
Dr. Linda Miles is an author and psychotherapist. Her latest book is Improve your Story, Improve your Brain available through Amazon or her website www.drlindamiles.com
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